All for one and one for all! The Three Musketeers, heroes of many of
an escapade on the silver screen, are back, this time in a Hallmark
TV mini-series that’s been repackaged as a film for DVD. Only the
original three are getting on in years, so the torch has been passed
to the next generation, most notably Valentine (Susie Amy), the
talented daughter of D’Artagnan (Michael York). Having received the
best of training from her illustrious father, Valentine sets off to
Paris, along with the sons of the other Three Musketeers, to earn a
place as a Musketeer for King Louis XIV. Not surprisingly, the young
protagonists are soon drawn into a complicated plot involving
international intrigue.

La Femme Musketeer has its charms, which can mostly be summed
up in describing its protagonists: we have an appealing and nicely
self-reliant heroine in Valentine, along with an amiable supporting
cast who appear to be having a good time (especially Michael York).
In fact, if the film had run 90 minutes instead of a ludicrously long
170 minutes, it would probably stand reasonably well as a
lightweight, fun romp. Unfortunately, it really is too long, and by
the time the third hour starts, the weight of the melodramatic plot,
with its cookie-cutter bad guys, has made it sag noticeably.

There’s not a whole lot to La Femme Musketeer, other than a
pleasant cast and a touch of comedy to liven up the melodrama. The
film proceeds with a carefree lack of attention to historical
accuracy. Given the generally lighthearted “fluff” feel of
the program, that’s not too surprising, but it’s a bit regrettable
anyway, as it’s more an indication that the filmmakers couldn’t be
bothered than a deliberate playful touch.

Unfortunately, another thing the filmmakers weren’t bothered with was
getting a proper fight choreographer. The swordfights are awful. Not
just a bit lame, or overly theatrical, but actively terrible. I’m a
fencer, and I have an eye for good (and bad) fight scenes; watching
the fights in La Femme Musketeer was the equivalent of hearing
fingernails scraped across a chalkboard. The moves are blatantly
staged, with the actors vigorously attacking each others’ blades and
twirling around, and there’s nothing even remotely resembling actual
fencing technique in either footwork or bladework. The director has
tried to dress this disaster up by using little camera tricks like
speeding up the film, which just looks bizarre and actually
emphasizes how terrible the fencing is. I wouldn’t normally call so
much attention to this, but in La Femme Musketeer, sword
fights are a staple of the plot, occurring at regular intervals and
often lasting for a long time. Memo to directors: if swordfighting is
going to be a main attraction of your production, please hire a
competent fencing instructor and fight choreographer. We can tell
when you don’t.

The
DVD

Video

La Femme Musketeer appears in the 1.33:1 aspect ratio, which
is its original aspect ratio as far as I was able to tell. Overall,
it’s a decent transfer that comes in at a touch over average. The
image is pleasant to look at, though contrast is a bit harsh at
times, and colors tend to be a bit on the dark side. Some grain and
edge enhancement also creeps in.

Audio

The Dolby 2.0 audio track is adequate but nothing more; La Femme
Musketeer could have benefited from either a surround mix or
simply a better 2.0 track. The dialogue is generally clear, though
it’s muffled on a few occasions and a bit tinny when voices are
raised. The sound overall tends to be slightly flat.

Extras

There are no special features.

Final
thoughts

There
are worse made-for-TV miniseries out there, and La Femme Musketeer
at least has the standout point of an assertive and realistically
drawn female protagonist. If the premise sounds like fun (either to
you or your kids) then La Femme Musketeer is probably worth a
rental.
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